The Lost Princess--

Thoughts of a plain jane

I chose your heart no doubt
loving you is a beautiful thing in my life
you're my heartbeat

each of my breath exhales your name
you're everything to me

don't you hurt this love
until later on when my body
is no longer alive
and turn a blind eye to the last

each breath (every breath)
breathe your name
my heart wants to choose you
you're everything to me

oh please, don't you hurt this heart
until later on when my breath
is no longer blows
because really this love is love to death

There will be no more tears. There will be no more pain. I've had enough of everything - every single thing. It's a promise, to myself. I don't know what awaits me tomorrow and the days ahead. But I will keep my words.

Those beautiful and painful memories, I shall keep them deep inside my heart. I will lock that part of my heart and never reopen it.



It was my first day in the boarding school. The excitement, enthusiasm, eagerness are still fresh in my mind. I'd be longing for this moments since I was in primary school. I was too excited for everything - and this plain girl never thought something awaited her. Yes. The destiny. There was a strange feeling when I first stepped on the ground of the school, but I never took it seriously.

Located at the end of a village, lots of beautiful sceneries you could see. Nothing you could see in a city. I was living in city, and it's hard to get this kind of environment. All the nature, the wind, gave me a very warm welcome. It's way bigger than my my former school - because it's a boarding school. The registration went well. I was placed in new class with all the new students like me. Most of us never experienced hostel life. So, I knew we could be very good friends - best friends, indeed.

The first week living there, didn't turn out to be as what I expected. I went through it with messed up feelings. I missed home. Parents. Friends. Books - I'm a bookworm, books are heaven to me. I felt like flying back to home. The youngest child was away from home. And trust me, with the absence of my parents, it wasn't easy. Some of the seniors were being so mean to us, new people. They cold-shouldered us. Not a good start. Looked for our mistakes, what they did. Everything's just not right.

Despite how the seniors treated me, good friends were being so nice. They made me stay. Yes. They gave me the strength. To face everything together. I tried to soothe myself with the hope that all these things don't last forever. I had good times with friends. If I flash-everything-back, hmm. I can't. They're just too many, to tell them all. Everytime I close my eyes, trying to remember back, I felt something in my heart. Something indescribable. They're part of my life.

As days passed by, I became more grateful, of everything. But the maturity has still not appeared. I was still crawling to maturity. It was friday and we were so excited to go back to our homes for 2-weeks holiday. I was looking outside the window, counting down the hours, minutes and seconds to meet my parents. Looking at people passing by my class. It's a normal routine. Because my class was the one and only class on the ground floor. I never cared who passed by my class. But suddenly. On that day, my destiny has finally arrived. Everything started when someone's walking outside my class and he caught my attention. I looked at him until he disappeared from my sight.

My brain started to do its work. "Who is he?", "He's in what class?", "Is he my formmate?", "Why I never saw him before?", "Who is he?". All the questions were playing on my mind. I didn't have the guts to ask anyone about him. So, I just let alone all the questions. Until almost at the end of my holiday.

This isn't the beginning of a new chapter in my life; this is the beginning of a new book. The first book is already closed, ended and tossed into the seas. Rather than turning the page, it's much easier to just throw the book away. Like some other people, they love to read that old book over and over again - even how much it hurts you. But not me. I'm not strong enough. Everytime I look back and grieve over the past for it's gone, the tears will surely drop. Dropping without thinking how bad my eyes will look like. And my heart's pounding faster than usual. 

Yes, its all because of the other half. The one that makes your world go round. Having that one person that we can share our love, its like you found you other half, which you-don't-know was actually missing. Everything feels right. But when talking about the-other-half, things aren't easy as you can think. Hmm. 

I'm going to tell you a story - story of mine. It's not a beautifully scripted story like what you watch on television, not a tale of a once-in-a-lifetime like what you always got from Nicholas Sparks and not a grand, destined love story like what William Shakespeare wrote for us during the past centuries. It's just a real-love story that changed me - and changing me a lot. 

I may be not a good story-teller, like Ben Sherwood,  Jodi Picoult, Nicholas Sparks or Stephenie Meyer. But I will try my best to make you understand and bring all of you into my world. 

{/tagboard --

i think they call it freedom of speech

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ctrl + left click

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watch me waste my life away

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